Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Wed October 26, 2011

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Trucker discovers that a body on the roof does not qualify him for the carpool lane (washingtonpost.com)	(0)
		Former Nazi death camp guard wants to go to hell. Or Ohio. Same difference (news.yahoo.com)	(22)
		Just in time for Halloween, the worst slideshow of the best pictures of carved pumpkins you will see today (sfgate.com)	(9)
(OzSoapbox)		Woman in Taiwan clicks Facebook 'like' button, now being sued for defamation. 'Like' this story at your own risk (ozsoapbox.com)	(28)
		Not news: Young people running up gambling debts. News: Police fear they could be forced into shoplifting and street-fighting. Fark: Gamblers are aged five, playing marbles (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(24)
		Last Polish Battle of Britain pilot dies. He was credited with 3 Luftwaffe kills, 1 Distinguished Flying Cross and 2 giant brass perogies (news.yahoo.com)	(68)
		If you are hot for chicks who smell like marmite, beer and pickles, then this is great news (dailymail.co.uk)	(50)
		"Live grenade found in office safe" Glad to hear the grenade is safe, what about the people in the office? (chicagotribune.com)	(12)
(I Got A Rock)		Food allergy jihadists set up alternative Halloween in abandoned parking lot in Tuscon. Naturally, they've outlawed costumes, pumpkins, and candy, but children will certainly thrill to the awesome spectacle of tar fumes and 120 degree heat (blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com)	(87)
(YLE Uutiset)		Finland's sex-ed classes updated because "when young Finns go abroad, they need to understand that it is not normal everywhere to strip naked in a dressing room in front of everybody" (yle.fi)	(62)
(Some Guy)		OWS protestors fighting to end corporate greed, tax cuts for the rich, the right of 11-year-olds to get drunk, corporate welfare, tax...wait what? (nbcmontana.com)	(29)
		Study finds a woman's walk reveals her orgasmic history -- coming or going (suntimes.com)	(88)
		Photoshop this clown convention (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(19)
		Condit Dam to be demolished after the Levy disappeared (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(23)
		PETA: Because killer whales at SeaWorld are slaves, that magically makes them protected under the 13th amendment. Wait, what? (msnbc.msn.com)	(77)
		Pope Benedict XVI has invited Jews, Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims to a pilgrimage at the Umbrian hilltop town of Assisi, but refuses to take part in common prayers since nobody else speaks vampire (hosted.ap.org)	(32)
(Some Guy)		Rite Aid ad groped by sex offender. Yes, you read that correctly (berkshireeagle.com)	(24)
(Some Robot Guy)		It's television for the Attention Deficit Disorder generatio--IT'S A CAT (sponsored link) (amazon.com)	(44)
		Man gets stuck in a tree. No I mean INSIDE the a tree. "Why he's in a tree, I have no idea" (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(51)
		Welcome to Slumburbia (gawker.com)	(79)
(Ben Dover)		Sheriff Mike Hunt is warning residents against solicitation phone calls. "Police advise to hang up immediately and report the call to the sheriff's office" said Deputy Amanda Hugginkiss (aikenstandard.com)	(48)
		So, the top ten baby names right now include Atticus and Katniss. To Kill a Mockingbird and The Hunger Games. At least people are using books (huffingtonpost.com)	(177)
(MDC.mo.gov)		The Missouri Department of Conservation would like to warn hunters and other nature enthusiasts about various outdoor dangers this season, including snakes, mountain lions, zombies and bears. Wait, what? (mdc.mo.gov)	(46)
		Driver makes church even more holey (komonews.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)		Christian radio host warns parents that lesbian nurses will make their kids gay (wisconsingazette.com)	(168)
(Some Guy)		Strawberries reduce stomach lining damage from boozing, medication and ulcers. Merck and GlaxoSmithKline start bidding war for Smucker's (medicalxpress.com)	(65)
		Travel makes us happy. Here comes the $cience (cnngo.com)	(62)

Tue October 25, 2011

(MassLive)	"Okay, I admit to worshipping Satan, assaulting a teenager and drinking her blood, and making my forehead look Klingon, but dammit, I did NOT name myself after a Twilight character"" (masslive.com)	(104)
	Learning how to use a new gun can be hazardous, especially if you accidentally discharge it through your floor, rupturing a gas line that blows your house to smithereens hours later (helenair.com)	(86)
(Some Designer)	Photoshop something using the new international symbol for human rights (utne.com)	(72)
(Some Guy)	Airline passengers are always fast to get off a long flight, just not at 30,000 feet up (lasvegas.cbslocal.com)	(56)
(US News)	Scientists say smoking pot can make it harder to find your way out of a maze. So if you smoke pot, avoid scientists who want to put you in mazes (health.usnews.com)	(146)
	If you're armed with a fake bomb and a real gun and still get beat up by the sub shop owner, maybe robbery just isn't your thing (washingtonpost.com)	(7)
	Voting threads for Fark's Headline of the Year contest, and a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/16 - 10/22 (fark.com)	(12)
	Premature orgasm affects women...ohh, OHH GOD...too, study suggests (livescience.com)	(179)
	That. No, that. No, that. No, that (life.com)	(194)
	Woman in front passenger seat arrested for calling shotgun (nj.com)	(10)
	Occupy Wall Street apparently thinks organic farmers aren't part of their 99% (gothamist.com)	(167)
	12-year-old boy retaliates against pickup football tackler by body-slamming him, rupturing his spleen. He has just been drafted by the Steelers (nj.com)	(88)
	"So if corporations are people too, why do they sometimes have to be such schmucks?" (latimes.com)	(174)
	Computer scientists crack the Copiale Cipher, dating from 18th century Germany; are now working on other mysteries, including the unsolved Zodiac Killer ciphers, the Voynich Manuscript, and why "The Simpsons" is still on TV (sciencedaily.com)	(92)
	Why don't you have a seat right over there. That's right, the same place you sat last time (nola.com)	(186)
(Some Guy)	Are you smoking because you're depressed, or depressed because you're smoking? Here's comes the science, chicken, egg (dc101.com)	(95)
	Photoshop this guy falling out of his shelter (cdn.theatlantic.com)	(33)
	♫ Weekend should be Halloween, Halloween, Halloween ♫ Weekend should be Halloween ♫ Says lawmaker ♫ (ctnow.com)	(89)
	No need to panic quite yet, but a dormant Bolivian super volcano is now inflating at a rate not seen in the modern era (news.yahoo.com)	(181)
(Some Yadda Yadda Guy)	Mayoral candidates deny sending letter claiming opponent is "openly gay." NTTAWWT (lehighvalleylive.com)	(58)
	We live in a scary world. There's the omnipresent threat of international terrorism. The looming specter of global economic collapse. A surge of vaccine-resistant diseases. And Baxter, a Westie-bichon frise mix who poops wherever he wants (washingtonpost.com)	(151)
(Some Lego man)	Another day, another giant Lego man washes up on the beach (wtsp.com)	(49)
	The worst parking job you will see today (canada.com)	(119)
	USMC celebrates 70 years of dark green Marines (suntimes.com)	(142)
(Some Guy)	You live next door to a sex offender. 23 people like this (watertowndailytimes.com)	(94)
	Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Elvis, Evlis... and Elvis have left the building (telegraph.co.uk)	(40)
	Hopefully you already knew this, but researchers say that licking the pump handle at your local Gas-n-Go might not be a very smart idea (news.yahoo.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	Teacher could face thousands of dollars in fines for helping students register to vote. Wait, what? (thepoliticalcarnival.net)	(126)
(Some Guy)	Wisconsin lawmakers to vote on making malt liquor part of a well-balanced breakfast (duluthnewstribune.com)	(61)
(Albany Times Union)	Strip club to argue before state Supreme Court that lap-dancing is a form of artistic expression and therefore not taxable. So will paying for one count as a charitible donation to the arts? (timesunion.com)	(252)
(Some Guy)	"I only came to know that I was being intimate with a donkey when I got arrested" (newzimbabwe.com)	(78)
(Some Guy)	How television has changed the way we eat--and not for the better (newyork.grubstreet.com)	(126)
	CDC may push HPV vaccine for boys. This will clearly make whores of them (gma.yahoo.com)	(136)
(Some Guy)	Big Bank protest planned?\|✓\| Gather thousands of followers? \|✓\| Issue explicit instructions to remove all your money and be friendly? \|✓\| Check calendar \| \| (wjrr.com)	(180)
	Well, they say you never really own sky-high stock prices, you only rent them (huffingtonpost.com)	(76)
	Guy gropes teenage girl out with her family, is lucky bar bouncers were nearby to keep her father from killing him (myfoxboston.com)	(159)
(Some Guy)	Methadone, ambesol, same thing when it comes to toddler teething, right? (wjrr.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	When do you know it's time to switch from huffing Ultra-Duster to a lighter inhalant: The stolen '90 Camry? The police lights in its rearview? The feces? (naplesnews.com)	(25)
(WTMJ)	Lord Voldemort nearly dies in Wisconsin (todaystmj4.com)	(53)
	Today in Mad Libs crime: a man in a ______ mask robs a ____ stand with a __________ (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(75)
	American close to finding, desecrating grave of greatest English naval hero (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(52)
	On the bright side, at least 4 out of 12 gun smugglers are NOT New York City police officers (nypost.com)	(35)
	You don't want your newborn flown out to the front line in Afghanistan? What kind of father are you? (mirror.co.uk)	(32)
(Times Union)	It's not a party until you have 300 students in one apartment. Ta-da (timesunion.com)	(37)
	How the word "artisan" has been co-opted by marketers, enabling Dominoes to charge you $7.99 for a $5.99 pizza just because the guy who took it out of the oven signed the box (usatoday.com)	(199)
	Karzai: That was not intended to be a factual statement (nypost.com)	(68)
	"Mom left kids in car to steal." Hey, thanks. Free kids (orlandosentinel.com)	(24)
	America's last B53 -- a nuclear bomb the size of a mini-van with 600 times the power of the bomb used at Hiroshima -- is being disassembled today. So long, 10,000-pound-deathbringer. We hardly knew you (usatoday.com)	(204)
	Man tries to flood his jail cell with toilet water. As expected, back up plan fails (nwfdailynews.com)	(20)
	Captain Morgan found partying with college students, arrested when it turned out one of them was 17 (sun-sentinel.com)	(46)
(Winnipeg Free Press)	Illuminati symbols on American currency? Canadians up the ante by finding sex toys, naked women and secret codes on their new bills (winnipegfreepress.com)	(101)
	Photoshop the presidential pumpkin picking (msnbcmedia.msn.com)	(20)
	NYC Transit President thinks that the subway doesn't need garbage cans and that riders will simply throw their trash out before entering the system. Rats enjoying the buffet on platforms and the tracks agree (nydailynews.com)	(78)
(Chico Enterprise-Record)	Parolee with an ankle bracelet on walks into police station and asks to be arrested. And then it gets weird (chicoer.com)	(23)
	Autopsy says Gaddafi died of a beating, followed by multiple gunshots. Or as his regime would call it - natural causes (cbsnews.com)	(144)
	Today's 34-year old teacher banging a 17-year old student brought to you by Memphis, Tennessee. Farkier: Principal at same school was involved with male student earlier this year (dailymail.co.uk)	(65)
(Glendale News Press)	L.A.'s "Love Ride" Grand Marshall Jay Leno joked about the fundraiser's untarnished safety record, and his desire to see "somebody go down". Guess what happened for the first time in the ride's 28 year history? (glendalenewspress.com)	(102)
	Obama administration struggling with the thorny question of whether scientists should inject healthy children with the anthrax vaccine to see if it protects them against a bioterrorism attack. Yeah, some people have issues with this (washingtonpost.com)	(79)
(Some Guy)	Look, citizen, just because we broke down your door, smashed all your windows, busted holes in your wall and left the smell of tear gas while you waited in one of our complimentary jail cells doesn't make us responsible. Sleep tight, citizen (sacramento.cbslocal.com)	(125)
	SURPRISE (suntimes.com)	(62)
	City of Atlanta to Occupiers: "Okay, y'all made your little point, now GIT" (ajc.com)	(274)
	From those sick minds over there at Burger King Japan: All-you-can-eat Whoppers coming in November (cnngo.com)	(102)
	Look America, if you're gonna make us pay a cover charge, you better have one helluva live show (thestar.com)	(73)
	Old & Busted: Military recruiters. The New Hotness: Peace recruiters (oregonlive.com)	(88)
	Beluga whale from Chicago travels over state lines for immoral porpoises (chicagotribune.com)	(56)

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