Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Wed November 02, 2011

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		Apparently telling customers that a rival car dealer is an Islamic militant who used the profits from his dealership to fund terrorists crosses the line from "agressive salesmanship" to "a $7.5 million libel judgement" (reuters.com)	(11)
		The Oakland Police's near-fatal wounding of Scott Olsen opened the floodgates of veterans coming out to support OWS, send conservatives scrambling for ways to smear soldiers (usatoday.com)	(138)
(Some lovin' from the oven)		Burglar named Pilsbury tries to extort dough. Boy, what a crook. May have a good prison nickname, though (kjonline.com)	(17)
		Wear a condom or you may end up f**king a polar bear (huffingtonpost.com)	(32)
		20 boxes of frozen pigs feet taken in train heist. Investigation now on track, going full boar (azcentral.com)	(12)
(augusta.com)		Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger...or I'll bust a cap in your ass (chronicle.augusta.com)	(28)
		Correction: Yesterday's edition of the New York Post reported that Gov. Cuomo gave raises to his staff after he came into office, when, in fact, he reduced his salary and the pay of his top aides by five percent. Sorry we got caught lying (nypost.com)	(31)
(news4 jax)		Old school: Having sex in coed dorms. New school: Having sex on a picnic table at the federal courthouse (news4jax.com)	(28)
		French refuse to occupy Paris. It's like the Germans have to do everything for them (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(40)
		New rules slashing crack cocaine sentences go into effect. Put that in your pipe and smoke it (cnn.com)	(104)
		Investigation continues into how rockfall left 15 mobile homes teetering on the edge of a cliff in south Wales, although initial findings indicate that rockfall was to blame (bbc.co.uk)	(27)
(Some Guy)		Not news: Man in Halloween mask scares girlfriend. Still not news: her dog attacks him: Still not news: he understands the dog reacted normally. Fark: he wants dog put down (courierpress.com)	(109)
		OSS operative sent letter to three-year-old son in America on VE day, written on Hitler's stationery. Subby's old man didn't even get him a Euro Disney t-shirt (abcnews.go.com)	(56)
(O.C. Register)		"Look at my man-gina." Why yes, there absolutely is a corresponding mug shot (ocregister.com)	(64)
		Japan: "Damaged reactors could take 30 years to retire" Americans: "That whole mess is still going on? Sheesh, we're a little pre-occupied over here with the Kardashian melt-down, okay? Try to keep up (articles.cnn.com)	(43)
		65 years ago today Howard Hughes flies his "Spruce Goose," with the largest wingspan in the history of aviation, for roughly a mile over Long Beach Harbor, celebrates by peeing into commemorative platinum milk bottle (life.com)	(49)
		Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But they draw the line at bumpy roads (mirror.co.uk)	(14)
		OWS movement now has 21 new members, each fired because the cafe that employed them could no longer support itself due to lost business caused by the OWS protests (foxnews.com)	(141)
		WARNING: Occupy Wall Street may cause a burning, itching sensation (nypost.com)	(97)
(Some Tyler Durden)		Bad: Using your work PC to view porn. Even Worse: Not realizing it's plugged into the LED billboard display at the busiest intersection in town (shanghaiist.com)	(45)
		Little Mary refuses to eat her milk and cookies or take naps at nap time. Do you: c) suspend the five-year-old punk from kindergarten? (nypost.com)	(78)
		Man in superhero costume arrested for motorway incident. Unclear whether it was suicide attempt or Kryptonite-related flight failure (news.stv.tv)	(5)
(Some Action)		Photoshop this fabulous four (latimesphoto.files.wordpress.com)	(25)
		Court ruling confirms that England can leak Assange to Sweden (washingtonpost.com)	(18)
		Doctors warn that sharing earbud headphones may lead to hearing loss, transmission of bacteria, getting hit by bus (nzherald.co.nz)	(20)
		Casey Anthony takes the fifth 60 times, presumably due to the Casey Anthony Court TV Drinking game (cnn.com)	(73)
		♬ Its hard to find a, thing called vagina ♬ (smh.com.au)	(95)
		R.I.P. to 14 cars and trucks for 2012 (autos.yahoo.com)	(296)
		Safeway drops charges against couple accused of stealing two sandwiches (news.yahoo.com)	(213)
(katu.com)		Grocery store refuses payment in coins. That's change we can't believe in (katu.com)	(341)
		A mother passed a driving test while in labor and then drove herself to the hospital to give birth. Wow. Just wow... a woman passed a driving test? Unbelievable (mirror.co.uk)	(79)
		Government report states future violent gang members can be spotted at age three (telegraph.co.uk)	(129)

Tue November 01, 2011

	Toyota unveils robots to assist the elderly. Available at no cost to Old Glory policy holders (abcnews.go.com)	(59)
	Leg found to be armed (abc.net.au)	(29)
	Old people today have more sex. Hey, come back, don't you want the rest of your grilled cheese sandwich? (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(97)
(Some forever alone guy)	Photoshop some guests to liven up Kirk Cameron's pitiful birthday party (media.zenfs.com)	(88)
	Kentucky gubernatorial candidate tries desperately to make an issue out of his opponent participating in a Hindu ceremony. Why, yes, he IS a Republican. How did you know? (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(206)
	Glowing brain tumour trial begins. Prosecutors vow to remove this cancer, and will ask for life (bbc.co.uk)	(25)
	'Beauty, whether moral or natural, is felt, more properly than perceived' - Philosopher David Hume. ' 'I'm gonna bone my 15 year old hot student' - High School Track Coach Elisha Hume (azcentral.com)	(177)
	Learn the Secret, Surefire Way to Get the Phone Numbers of Hot Women You Meet on the Street (nj.com)	(82)
(Mass Live)	Western Massachusetts residents still without electricity, Lady Schicks. Supplies of granola and Ani DiFranco CDs needed urgently (masslive.com)	(63)
(Billings Gazette)	Today's fully Fark-compliant headline: "Man admits switchblade assault in squirrel dispute" (billingsgazette.com)	(28)
	Late Friday night, four young women are waiting in a parking garage. One notices another's miniskirt is so short, her buttocks are showing. She reaches over and pulls the skirt down. And then things get oral (nj.com)	(379)
	Woman claims picture shows two ghosts having spirited sex in her living room (upi.com)	(81)
	Man experiencing chest pains decides to try to remove his own pacemaker, with predictable success rate (chicagotribune.com)	(58)
	Old and busted: Calling 911 because you're lost in a maze or in an orchard. New and glorious: Being trapped in a shopping cart (upi.com)	(30)
	Drunken Wrestling: Don't try this at home -- or the office (thedenverchannel.com)	(15)
	For the right price, you can get into the Queen of England's pants (bbc.co.uk)	(40)
(Some Guy)	Victim in DUI crash with Seattle Police Officer amazed he's still alive, glad officer was too drunk to find his gun (kirotv.com)	(103)
	Students in Libtard-Land Massachusetts lead US in reading, math. Socialism suspected (boston.com)	(164)
	So turns out Newscorp and everyone involved with the News of the World hacking mess were aware of what was going on about 3 years before it was blown open (guardian.co.uk)	(42)
(Some Guy)	Mani, Pedi, HepC (610wiod.com)	(23)
(Some Wet Guy)	Photoshop these bumbershoots (garciamedialife.files.wordpress.com)	(28)
	Cracked explains the Politics tab (cracked.com)	(134)
	Snuggie inspires inventors to find next shame-inspiring sensation (money.cnn.com)	(51)
(Some Herpetologist)	"My milk snake brings all the boys to the yard ... " (with picture) (wpbf.com)	(46)
	Halloween in New Orleans: "Trick or Treat" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM (wwl.com)	(167)
	Dog dies after alerting owner and saving him from house fire. With pics that make it awfully dusty in here (ajc.com)	(160)
	Makers of the BigDog robot develop new humanoid version, Petman. He walks, runs, balances, and comes with sockets on both arms for phased plasma rifles in the 40-watt range (physorg.com)	(183)
	Chinese officials deny hacking US satellites, tampering with Coca-Cola cans (popsci.com)	(50)
	Cocklers barred from estuary. Subby feels their pain, as he's been barred from being near schools for something like that (bbc.co.uk)	(12)
	Nine-year-old girl who was told to stop eating candy on the school bus does the logical thing: spits at the driver, throws rocks at the bus, and then tosses a chair at a cop (thesmokinggun.com)	(394)
	Berlin museum mixes haute couture with haute cuisine, spotlighting models draped in octopus tunics, seaweed miniskirts and Salmon tops. And you thought it was just the Japanese that were into that erotic sea creature stuff (news.yahoo.com)	(37)
	The Dominique Strauss-Kahn sex scandal is being given the porno treatment. Naturally, some people have a problem with this (huffingtonpost.com)	(24)
	Apparently the test for sorcery in Saudi Arabia is beheading. If you live, you are innocent. If not, then you weigh more than very small rocks (dailymail.co.uk)	(206)
(Some Guy)	Horse rescued from Bedford swimming pool. In Pottersville they just let them drown (www2.wsls.com)	(25)
(Some Guy)	Pricipal . Caught sayof school that has stoped Handstandsing " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. CNN Says yes. Tampa Bay Times Looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again" (wfaa.com)	(148)
	For Halloween, did you hand out: A) Chocolates? B) Candies? C) Comic book-style pamphlets about fearing God in which three children die, one by hanging himself? (azcentral.com)	(266)
	3 cops, 1 pole (mercurynews.com)	(18)
	Asylum seekers drown near Java. C, that's why you make sure your boat is fully compiled (upi.com)	(64)
	IU's Kinsey institute finds that grandma's sexual satisfaction is not tied to her birth control. Grandma.... sexual... satisfaction. How's your breakfast, Farkers? (upi.com)	(57)
	Congress finally realizes that repealing Glass Steagle was the stupidest thing they've done in the past 15 years (businessweek.com)	(169)
	No one knows who they were or what they were doing, but their legacy remains and you can buy it for $300,000 (news.yahoo.com)	(21)
	Magician demands AirTran make $50,000 appear because the wouldn't let him carry his dove on the aircraft (twincities.com)	(34)
(Naples News)	Definition of doing it wrong: beating your girlfriend for playing with a sex toy in bed because you'd rather sleep (naplesnews.com)	(69)
	Ad: "For the last week in October, the Magic Castle will be ON FIRE with the spirit of Halloween" Fark: Magic Castle is ON FIRE with real flames on Halloween day (latimes.com)	(29)
	Boeing 767 crash lands in Warsaw, Poland with no injuries. Survivors will be buried later this afternoon (foxnews.com)	(214)
	Good news, consumers. Banks have heard your outrage over the utterly transparent debit card fees, so they're going to roll those on back and replace them with far more subtle fees instead (usatoday.com)	(152)
(SF Examiner)	The Oakland Information Ministry is happy to report that whoever fired the tear gas cannister at the now critically injured former Marine, it was almost certainly not the police (sfexaminer.com)	(263)
	Jon Huntsman's three smoking daughters parody Cain's smoking ad. It's a video, so you might as well read the rest of this but yes, he has THREE hot daughters (even with mustaches) (youtube.com)	(179)
	Japanese used panty vending machine technology surpassed by American fresh meat vending machine. Your dog wants slot B6 (blog.al.com)	(36)
	Japan lawmaker drinks water from Fukushima plant, gives glowing review (rawstory.com)	(48)
	Greek president: "Let the people decide." European markets: "F*ck that" (bbc.co.uk)	(269)
	Two Russian girls switched at birth to live next door to each other without exchanging parents (english.pravda.ru)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this end of a cargo ship (i.imgur.com)	(30)
	Forget orange juice futures, peanut butter is SKYROCKETING (money.cnn.com)	(119)
	GOP light-heartedly depicts the President with a bullet hole in his forehead (wtop.com)	(760)
	Florida: "Due to your parents being illegal immigrants, we're going to have to charge you out-of-state tuition." Student: "But I was born in the US and I live in Florida." Florida: "So?" (npr.org)	(308)
(Some Guy)	Sheriff: Time for Citizens to Arm Themselves, People are tired of doing the right thing and criminals getting away with their actions (wyff4.com)	(268)
(Some Guy)	Photographer doing a mom/newborn baby shoot asks the father to join in a couple of shots on a whim. Four days later, he returned to Afghanistan and was killed with twelve others by a suicide bomber. Here is that last photo with his baby girl (erikhornung.com)	(176)
	Study finds trees are not adapting well to climate change. Well, hey, if they don't like it, they can just leaf (upi.com)	(237)
	"Spider-Man robbed a local gas station Sunday night, threatening the clerk with a machete" (qctimes.com)	(32)
	While shopping at Target, woman struck by shopping cart that two boys pushed off a four-story parking garage. Bullseye (dailymail.co.uk)	(77)
	Just in time for Hallloween, "bone-eating snot flowers" discovered (telegraph.co.uk)	(30)
(Some Guy)	Sinkhole swallows 80 year old man as he goes for morning "newspaper". Whatever that is, it sounds dangerous (nbcnewyork.com)	(18)
(Patch.com)	Yes, that is a dump truck full of weed seized by police. Yes it is (greenfield.patch.com)	(77)
	Bad news: You have a tumor. Good news: Your tumor has a face (w/pic) (telegraph.co.uk)	(99)
	This crazy bastard shot his neighbor for "telepathically raping" his wife. And with a mugshot like that, I think I believe him (sltrib.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)	Who wouldn't forget about five sticks of dynamite they stored in the trunk of an abandoned car in their backyard? (wtkr.com)	(14)
(Times Union)	Don't taunt dynamite roid rager (timesunion.com)	(55)
	Bro tip 8824: Don't pee on a cop car when the cop is in the car (omaha.com)	(32)
	Tourist attraction hands out free deodorant after actors complain about patrons' body odor (upi.com)	(31)
	US soldier at court-martial: Sure I made a necklace of human fingers taken from Afghans I killed, and put a hash-fueled beatdown on the soldier who snitched on me, but I'm not a murderer or anything (news.yahoo.com)	(188)

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