stories : Table Manners
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Drinking While PregnantGoing on the wagon in solidarity |
Dear Helena,
My wife and I have always loved to drink together: a glass of wine or two with dinner, a few beers with friends. Now she’s pregnant and off the booze. So here’s my question: Should the partner of a pregnant woman give up drinking as a gesture of support? And if it’s OK for me to keep drinking, is there a way I can do it that won’t bother her? Maybe I should confine my drinking to nights out with friends and stick to water at home? —Anxious Dad-to-Be
Dear Anxious Dad-to-Be,
You should only quit drinking if your pregnant partner is having trouble doing so, or expresses a need for you to stop to keep her company. Otherwise, you need not ditch the booze. That’s like gaining 40 pounds in solidarity: It’s no help to her. Don’t waste your energy on needless self-discipline; save it for cooking dinner or massaging her feet.
Though it’s not as hard as being pregnant, taking care of a pregnant partner is demanding work. A drink may help you relax. Malia Curran, a nutrition consultant in Boston, says it has helped her husband put up with her mood swings. “I haven’t been a raving witch, but I have been hormonal. Having a glass of wine or beer is a good way for him to settle down at the end of the day.”
Obviously, alcohol is not recommended for pregnant women, but some feel comfortable having the merest taste of someone else’s drink. David Port, coauthor of The Caveman’s Pregnancy Companion: A Survival Guide for Expectant Fathers, says: “They can remember what it tastes like without really imbibing.” Curran agrees: “I am excited when [my husband] gets a beer because I can take a sip or two. So if anything I encourage him.”
Just two rules. First, make sure your pregnant partner isn’t excluded. If you go out to a bar with her, keep her supplied with nonalcoholic drinks. Curran says, “I told my husband, ‘Whenever you go to the bar, please, no matter what is available, bring me back something: pineapple or grapefruit juice, or seltzer.’ Just him remembering to do that made me feel better.”
If you’re drinking at home, don’t just flop onto the couch with a six-pack. Make your partner a drink too. Port suggests a mocktail, perhaps a virgin version of her favorite drink. This helps her stay hydrated, a concern for pregnant women, and can be nutritious too, if it’s loaded with fruit. As Port’s book points out, “The clever caveman will be sure to set aside some of his mocktail creations for his own consumption, knowing full well he can add a little rum, vodka, or tequila, and change the ‘mock’ to ‘cock.’” Enjoying the same drink (even if one is virgin) is a nice bonding ritual.
The second rule: Don’t overdo it. If you’re drunk and your wife is stone-cold sober, you won’t be good company. And if you overindulge when you’re out, you’ll be on different wavelengths. You’ll be laughing raucously with your friends, while she’s looking at her watch and fantasizing about curling up with Häagen-Dazs. Plus, you’ll be useless the next day. It’s not much fun for her to paint the nursery by herself while you nurse your hangover.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Women should not be made to feel guilty if they choose to have a couple drinks a week after the first trimester.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/29/din...
P.S. Once you go into serious labor, nothing makes it move along like drinking a big glass of red wine while sitting in a warm bath.
Hey Anxious Dad, perhaps you should ask your wife about your concerns before asking Helena.
I've been pretty strict with myself about not drinking while pregnant, I just didn't feel comfortable with it; but everyone should do what feels right to them (as long as a nine-month bender isn't what feels right). That includes the partner. Giving up alcohol, for my husband, would have been entirely unproductive, there's no way I would ask that of him.
I agree that it makes more sense to consult directly with your wife. Also please be mindful that the smell of alcohol can be highly nauseating to a pregnant woman (especially in the first trimester), so it may be very helpful if you refrain from drinking alcoholic beverages in her presence.
I agree with Helena completely re: maintaining the same wavelength. And I have to be honest, a bar, particularly one that allowed smoking, was the last place I wanted to be. <retch> (also, who can stay up that late when you're pregnant? I needed my 12 hours a night!)
It was nice to take a few sips from my husband's glass but I also got quite a few glares from other people who heartily disapproved of a pregnant woman drinking.
I don't think abstaining from booze is too much to ask of anyone making the biggest change in their life. If it's just one drink than why not stop altogether. It can also be an opportunity to see how your system responds. Kids don't need to drink and look how much fun they have.
eade, as someone who used to work with many children that were the result of fetal alchol syndrome, I can tell you it sin't worth the risk. Keep in mind, media rushes to report studies before really conclusive proof, or counter studies are done. It takes more than one study to make something "scienfically acceptable".
What these children have to suffer for their entire lives is not worth selfish mommy risking a few drinks. Having a child is a responsibility to take seriously.
Fetal alcohol syndrome can cause physical, mental and behavioral abnormalities. A person born with such a "sentance handed down from mommy" has a harder time succeeding throughout life socially and academically-and more!
It helps if there is a supportive husband to help Mom through pregnancy. Relaxation and enjoyment can be found in many ways, and hounds have come up with good suggestions.
-Hot baths
-trips to spas (you can do it with all the $$ you save from not buying drinks
-massages and foot rubs
-ice cream or other trips
-"virgin" versions of drinks
-hot teas and coffee
-a good movie, a bowl of popcorn and "thou" (whomever that may be)
- brunch in bed, with juice, warm pastries, paper, and such
just any show of love and considerations from Dad, or second mom, or whatever.
it's only alcohol, you can do without it for a bit for the trade off of a healthy baby with no physical, behavioral or other issues.
But if you insist on being selfish, go ahead and curse and condemn your growing baby to the chance of being born "different". I'm sure you'll feel it was worth those "one or two drinks". Heck, they'll thank you, right?
Judge much, Diana?? DANG!
I say, ask your pregnant wife. Periodically, because her answer may change (hormones and all).
But don't say "we're not drinking because WE're pregnant." Because she may think it's cute at first but when she's 9mo pg, she'll might attempt to murder you if you say that. (of course, she'll fail, while she's waddling into the kitchen to get a knife, stopping for a bathroom break along the way, you'll have plenty of time to escape)
Hey, if you'd worked with those kids, you would want to try to wipe out fetal alcohol syndrome, too!
It just isn't worth risking, is it? This is a living thing someone could potentially damage. Would you pour a glass or two of wine down a newborn baby's throat? because that's what Mom is essentially doing to her fetus when she drinks-everything she has, the growing baby shares!
Yes, wiping out fetal alcohol syndrome should be a goal that we want to achieve but you cannot compare a few sips of wine to heavy drinking throughout your pregnancy. I understand that when you work with these children and see the horrible affects that it makes one want to ban any alcohol consumptions by mothers but a few sips of wine did not create the problem. No one on this thread is advocating going out on a binge or even consuming more than one drink at a time.
As a person who followed all of the rules during pregnancy only to learn later that a particular FDA guideline was based on data from an extreme situation with results that could not be duplicated, I take some of the absolute recommendations with a grain of salt. (Blubber study = verboten fish consumption = now my child might have an IQ 15 points lower than it could have been).
It’s a sensitive subject, I know, but one must keep one’s perspective as well.
I didn't crave alcohol at all while preggers. Sometimes I'd have an o'douls for fun if I was out at a bar with a group. It was a lot harder for me to give up coffee--I'd drool for a good cuppa.
A few sips and heavy drinking are two extremes. Evidence collected for years now shows that even as little as a glass now and again may have a significant effect on the brain and appearance of a growing fetus..
Frankly, if you knew that a glass was the difference between, say your child going to yale and your child never getting past juinor high or elementary level, would you drink it? Heck, if you knew that it was just the difference between a Master's and a mechanics license, would you drink it. Frankly, I love mechanics, and we all need these vital people to fix our cars and keep the world running.
however, I would want the very best for my kid's future. if missing a nightly glass or twice weekly glass was even that tiny a difference, I would skip the wine and save the child's future!
the problem is, it's hard to consider someone else's life 18-20 years from tonight's nice dinner out. for the selfish, it's even harder. "I need to relax, I DESERVE that glass of wine" to a pregnant woman is like saying, in reality, "MY kid DESERVES to have trouble throughout school and not go as far as she could! fill that glass, baby!" But most people don't think of it that way.
Let me discuss one of my students. I'll call her "3", just because it's a nice number. 3, was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. mommy decided she deserved to relax, because pregnancy was stressful. 3's mommy knew she was not right when she was born, 3 had a very odd looking appearance, with low-set ears, no epicanthic folds (but she was caucasian) and a protruding upper lip. This is typical of fetal alcohol children-slightly off in appearance.
3's mom gave her up. 3 was lucky to be adopted by a wonderful older woman who raised her in a bit of a strict household. 3's new mom adopted many children-but by the time 3 was a teenager, 3's mom was in her 90's, and the house was crammed with foster and adopted children. 3 was supported by her social security, SSI money.
3 was a sweet girl. many fetal alcohol children are not so sweet. 3 was, but could easily go to extremes. 3, however, never moved beyond the girlish fantasy world. she was only slightl retarded, but her mind was just as "off" as her appearance.
3 had a fascination for eyeballs, and spent hours cutting them out of magazines and pasting them up over her study area, journals, schoolwork and artwork. her favorite word was eyeballs. She wuld giggle and crow "eyeballllllz!" as she cut them out of celebrities in magazine layouts.
3 was also obsessed with all things serbian.
she had a serbian pen pal, and when not fantasizing about eyeballs, 3 obsessed over her plans to adopt a serbian baby and marry a serbian man. These things occupied most of her waking time, aside from her hours of chores taking care of her many brothers and sisters whom her now elderly mother could not physically hhandle, 3 had little else to think about, but she filled that time with eyeballs and serbia.
3 was behaviorally unable to remain in a normal school setting, and was sent to special ed, where I knew her. 3 became very violently angry if anyone, including staff or counselors, removed the eyeballs she glued all over the walls. She also became angered if a counselor or another staff discussed realistic options for her future. She was going to adopt a serbian baby and marry a serbian man.
3 was academically far behind her age group and behaviorally light years behind. She dressed like a little girl. She required thick glasses to see all her life.
3 somehow met a girl through he very aged adopted mother. the girl's dad, and her mother's new "helpful friend" was visiting from Vegas. He convinced 3 he was serbian. With his urging, 3 decided to try for equivalency passage. She did not make it, but was determined. She failed.
3's new friend's dad convinced her aged mother to go through the proceedings f allowing 3 be emancipated and to marry him-that he would be able to help them all if he was married to 3. 3 was 15. Her mother, in her 90's and saddled with a house full of children, agreed.
as soon as 3 and the man were married, he took her away to Las Vegas. 3 went along happily ensconced in her dream life of marrying a "serbian" convinced the adopted baby would soon be on its way. We never saw her again.
it was one of the reasons I eventually got out of special ed.
I wish he real mom had decided not to drink!
but hey, if you feel it's worth the risk, go ahead!
You could just go out for a quick drink every now and then, but drinking in front of her might make her jealous and try to rush into labor. I would not know how you feel, but don't drink in front of her just to be safe.
D, for the example you name, I bet there are a TON of other cases where a glass of wine now and then did not end up in a child being 'retarded'.
And the story of '3' did not make you sound any less judgmental, imo.
If you're pregnant, don't you know that your body is now public property, available for comment and censure by all? No fish, no sushi, no lunch meats, no soft cheeses, no red meat, the list goes on and on. Oh, and don't like having strangers touch your belly? Too bad! It's not your body any more!
Seriously, the US is too Puritanical about the drinking while pregnant issue. In France, women are not told to stop drinking, so many of them enjoy a glass of wine here and there while they are pregnant. I've never heard that France had particularly high percentages of babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. The US guidelines are based on extreme situations, because doctors here don't trust women to drink in moderation.
My husband - the amateur mixologist - is going out of his way to think up amazingly unique and tasty mocktails for two of our pregnant friends.
His current specialty is a mojito like drink with fresh mint and lime along with some jalapeno-infused simple syrup. Another favorite is a sparkling rose-syrup and citrus drink.
The look on our friends faces when they are served a special cocktail is wonderful. (Obviously, everything in moderation. Some pregnant ladies can't have too much sugar, etc.)
Check out the magazine Imbibe. They have excellent ideas for non-alcoholic beverages.
My SIL, a nurse, has had 4 healthy kids (and counting!), and she always says that a glass of wine a month never hurts anyone. Not condoning it or endorsing it, just an observation.
It's irresponsible to have more than 2 children.
Platypus, I'm not condoning or endorsing that statment either! :)
And Diana, I felt like I was watching an afterschool special or something o the Lifetime network after reading your post.
the most offensive thing i've read in the thread was the bit about mechanics being "these vital people" whom "we need to keep our cars and the world running."
whatever. my mechanic is smarter than most of the folks on this board, i've worked with dishwashers who've had phds, known cab drivers and cigar salesmen who are similarly brilliant. the color of a person's collar does not signify their intelligence level-- it may however correspond to privilege, race, connections, etc. i've met many teachers and mid-level business execs who are dumb as a box of hammers, but the social system will not allow their shortcomings to manifest in personal failure. they get the easy road, so they choose it.
on topic, after a miscarriage scare, my sil's doctor rec'd that she drink, specifically, "a pint of guinness" each day after dinner during her pregnancy to help her vitamin levels, and she stabilized and successfully brought the baby to term.
I am a 54 year old mother of 4 very intelligent children. I consumed occasional cocktails and wine while I was pregnant with all of them. They were "normal" babies & have grown up to be "normal" healthy adults. I believe in moderation especially when you are pregnant.
My aunt followed all the rules (no alcohol, no tylenol, etc. ad nauseum) with her first child and that baby was colicky for six months, screaming her bloody head off. As an adult, I'd say 'dumb as a box of hammers' just about suits her. No developmental issues, just not the smartest woman around.
During her second pregnancy, my aunt had a glass of wine every Friday night (you can follow her logic without me having to explain it). Her second child was an angel of a baby, a star athlete and high-school valedictorian.
I think generalizations about drinking are totally illogical, and people really need to allow others to make the decisions that are right for them.
FYI, my uncle didn't quit drinking because my aunt told him there was no reason for him to give it up.
Guinness, which one poster said a doc recommended daily after a miscarriage scare, has some properties that aid in lactation.
(I know the original question was about pregnancy, but nursing decisions come soon after.) I'm still nursing my 5-yr-old, started a couple drinks a month after he was a couple years old, went through a period this spring when I wanted 2, maybe 3 glasses of wine per day. I know science is about averages, not isolated cases, but I will not that he seems fine. Plenty o' brains, and as physically strong and active as one would want, too.
I agree with all the folks who advise the father to ask his wife. I also suggest he ask when he's not just about to reach for a drink ("d'ya mind?"), because she'll feel she 'ought' to agree. If it was me, I can't see why it would make any difference, unless he was getting positively soused, which I'd find unattractive no matter what my condition. But it's not me, or Helena, or any of us posters, so ask the person whose feelings matter. If this is awkward, just consider it practice for parenting decisions later. Lots of experts, lots of different advice, got to make your own decisions and stick with 'em.
For me, drinking alcohol wasn't such an issue, but caffeine was. I was quite relieved when my OB OKed 1 or 2 bevs per day. Without being a shrill and judgmental Diana, I will say that it helped me to lapse into baby-fantasying. Then I could have that Coke later while trying to mentally focus on, say, my dissertation, where dreaminess was not appropriate. (For a glass of wine, you'd obviously reverse that)
Bon voyage on the ride of your life!
Diana, i'm sorry, but i'm a little offended by your post...i have , worked in a somewhat similar environment (and my sister worked directly with such clients for years), and continue to work in a similar client based/counselling/high-need environment and i don't think anyone uses the word "retarded" anymore...and yes i realize it's just a word.....I also value confidentiality greatly within my profession..and i do not think, that even with a number for a name, that a client's "case study" should ever show up in this type of forum without their consent....
back to the OT....which i don't think was about whether the mom to be should drink, but whether the dad to be should, in solidarity. Be a bit extreme to become a teetotaller...but i do agree with how annoying it would be to the "dry" person to have to constantly be in the company of their blotto husband. Any designated driver knows what that feels like. I guess that's another note...i've seen an awful lot of guys rejoicing in the fact that they suddenly have a built in DD and using this as an opportunity to get blitzed all the time...kinda tacky. She should leave you alone with the newborn to go partying with her friends for a whole weekend, just for that one ! lol
I don't have kids, but i seem to recall my sister having a small drink once in a blue moon to help her milk come in or relax for breastfeeding or something.
OMG saac....i just screamed a little inside when i read your "still nursing my 5 year old" comment.......
Apologies to everyone else for being so off-topic, but I have to ask--
im_nomad, you screamed? Why? A scream of anger, excitement, what? Nursing is fun for both of us (tho you'd better believe he's going 'on vacation' when he weens!)
And thank you, for your comments about privacy.
saac, now *I* have to ask (being a very happy non-parent)... isn't it a bit unusual to be nursing beyond, say, 15 months?
5 Years? really? that seems amazingly long.
Yes, it's unusual, at least in the US. I'm told that women in Brazil and elsewhere often keep it up even longer. US pediatricians recommend at least a year, the UN recommends at least 2 years.
When I decided on child-led weening, I was thinking he'd stop at around 2 or 2.5 yrs of age. We've certainly cut back, and he has a great appetite for lots of foods, but nothing says comfort to him like nursing.
We're moving to Germany this fall, to a medium-sized city in the East where there won't be much English spoken. Until he picks up the language, we're going to need every comfort method we can get.
I have 3 kids, had 3 different OBGYNs who told me that the random glass of wine or beer(no hard liquor) wouldn't have a negative impact on my pregnancies.
They have suffered no side effects of my 2-3 drinks i imbibed during my 9 month gestation period.(Second trimester on)
saacnmama, are you sure you are doing this for your child or is it your "security blanket" ? There are many other ways to comfort a child and reassure them when their surroundings change. To each their own as they say.
Without the nanny state (pre-1980's) when mothers took an occasion drink, even SMOKED during pregnancy, I'm amazed that the earth is still populated.
I didnt stop drinking during my wifes pregnancy. I didnt see the point. She has never been a big drinker so she didnt drink when she was pregnant, not even caffeine.
As for nursing a 5 year old. I think that is kind of creepy. Sorry, just my opinion.
From what I understand (and someone please correct me if I'm wrong), smoking is actually not nearly as harmful to a fetus as excessive drinking. Not that I'm condoning it... I've never been a smoker.
I personally think "Diana's" opinions on this matter, although heartfelt, are utterly ridiculous. During my wife's pregnancy, I did fairly extensive research (including reading the NYT article mentioned above) about moderate drinking during second and third trimesters of pregnancy. There seems to be absolutely no evidence (Diana -- you said there was -- I'd love to see the source for this?) that an occasional glass of wine could have an impact on an unborn baby. Our pediatrician echoed this line of thinking.
For a bit of evidence, look at the rate of fetal alcohol syndrome in the USA, compared with France. Although alcohol consumption in pregnant women is almost double the amount in the USA, France reports about 33% fewer cases of fetal alcohol syndrome. The difference -- in this particular study, the number of *heavy* drinkers was significantly higher in American women. (source: http://alcalc.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/...
From the CDC:
"Any time a pregnant woman drinks, she puts her unborn child in danger of having physical problems, behavioral challenges, and learning disabilities. No amount of alcohol use is considered safe for a pregnant woman.
Case Example
Jill, who already has two children, drinks alcohol at home in the evenings and on weekends, sometimes heavily. She finds out that she is pregnant again. Although Jill is aware that alcohol might affect her pregnancy, she is not quite sure how her baby could be affected by alcohol, or how much is too much. There are a number of reasons why she feels that she doesn't want to or can't stop drinking (i.e., she suffers from depression; she denies she has a drinking problem; she cannot control her drinking), so she doesn't ask for help. She continues to drink frequently during her pregnancy (drinking at least seven drinks a week), or binge drinks (drinking at least five drinks on one occasion) on the weekends. She first learns about FAS when her baby boy is born showing physical signs of FAS (i.e., low birth weight, small head, facial abnormalities). She finds that her child will need special care throughout his life and will have problems in school and in relating to other people. She now says that if she had known how serious the consequences of her drinking could be for herself, her family, and her affected child, she would have sought help to stop drinking."
More from the CDC:
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
"What's the Problem?
Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is a condition that causes physical and mental disorders in children whose mothers drank alcohol heavily during pregnancy. FAS is characterized by abnormal facial features, growth retardation, and central nervous system problems. Individuals with FAS may have difficulties with learning, memory, attention span, problem solving, speech, and hearing. They can also have problems in school and problems getting along with others. FAS is an irreversible, lifelong condition that affects every aspect of an individual's life and the lives of his or her family.
For more information, see the tip sheet on Alcohol Use and Pregnancy.
Who's at Risk?
About one out of 1,000 live-born infants in the United States has FAS. Two to three times that many are born with an alcohol-related developmental disorder, but they do not have any obvious physical abnormalities.
Most people with FAS will never be able to live independently. It has been found that 60% of those 12 years of age and older have been kept out of school at some point; 60% have been in trouble with the law; 50% have been confined; and 50% have exhibited inappropriate sexual behavior.
Can It Be Prevented?
Yes. FAS is completely preventable. However, because alcohol-related damage to the fetus occurs early in pregnancy, a developing fetus can be damaged before the mother knows she is pregnant. Therefore, women should avoid drinking if they are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or at risk of becoming pregnant (i.e., sexually active but not using an effective form of birth control). Children with FAS can have serious, lifelong disabilities, including mental retardation, learning disabilities, and serious behavioral problems. They are at high risk for psychiatric problems, criminal behavior, unemployment, and incomplete education. These disabilities are very serious, yet some positive factors have been identified to help individuals with these problems. For example, early diagnosis allows for enrollment of the child in appropriate educational classes and provides access to social services that may benefit the child and his or her family.
Children with FAS who receive special education are more likely to achieve their developmental and educational potential. In addition, children with FAS need a loving, nurturing, and stable caretaking environment in order to avoid disruptions, transient lifestyles, or dysfunctional relationships. Individuals with FAS who do not experience abusive households or become involved in youth violence are much less likely to develop secondary conditions than children with FAS who have had such negative experiences.
The Bottom Line
Individuals with FAS can have serious lifelong complications, including mental retardation, learning disabilities, and serious behavioral problems. Although there is no cure for FAS, individuals with the condition can be helped if the syndrome is properly diagnosed, if it is diagnosed early, and if the children are given appropriate special care.
Case Example
John is 21 years old and has FAS. He wants to live independently. However, because of his disabilities, he cannot function as an adult. His mother always has to be nearby to look out for him. He has the social skills, conscience, and emotional development of a child. He cannot drive because he could not pass a driver's test. He cannot handle money and so he cannot go to the store alone. Because of his brain damage, he has poor judgment, short-term memory problems, and problems controlling his impulses. He gets into trouble often, and this frustrates and angers him. He worries that he will get arrested and end up in jail. John also worries about what will happen when his mother is no longer able to watch out for him. "
(CDC is the center for Disease control)
more from page 50 of (http://science-education.nih.gov/supp... from the National institute of Health:
..."The
scientists exposed newborn rat pups to a BAC of
0.20 (about twice the BAC defined as legally
intoxicated in humans). This high BAC was maintained
for four hours or longer. A one-time exposure
of four hours was sufficient to cause brain
cells to die off at a rate nearly 30 times greater
than normal. Although it is difficult to translate
these results from rats to humans, the uncertainties
involved led the authors to advise expectant
mothers to avoid alcohol entirely during their
pregnancies."
Do you want more? Looks like you dodged a dangerous bullet!
Is it REALLY worth the risk?
Diana,
Those case studies are a bit ridiculous, no? Let's deal with real people, real situations, not this silliness.
The only actual facts you've cited refers to *heavy* drinking, when no one has suggested heavy drinking is a responsible, intelligent thing to do for pregnant women. The discussion was the occasional half-glass of wine or beer in the later stages of pregnancy.
IAnyways, this is clearly not a conversation that will produce results. I'm clearly not going to convince you of anything, and until you suggest some real evidence that very moderate alcohol consumption can have an impact in later stages of pregnancy, you're not going to convince me.
Did you not read this above?
"...Any time a pregnant woman drinks, she puts her unborn child in danger of having physical problems, behavioral challenges, and learning disabilities. No amount of alcohol use is considered safe for a pregnant woman."
"...led the authors to advise expectant
mothers to avoid alcohol entirely during their
pregnancies."
"Any amount" is NOT "heavy drinking", nor is "no amount of alcohol use is considered safe"
Hlf a glass falls under "any amount" to me.
How ridiculous are lifelong behavioral and learning disabilities? Hey, it's your kid, right? Well, if the child DOES develop issues, then taxpayers have to pay for the special schooling, teachers have to do most of the work, and the burden goes beyond you. Plus, the child will have all the issues to personally deal with FOREVER.
But hey, it's only half a glass or a glass now and again, right? It's not like you can SEE he fetus tipping it back, right. because, such a tiny thing, half a glass to it is pretty large, and what mom drinks, baby drinks. But heck, everyone likes a tipple, right.
What offends me, and upsets me is that people hearing "no safe amount" decide that a few drinks during pregnancy are perfectly OK, and it's worth risking someone else's life. THAT is offensive, because once you are pregnant, it's not just YOUR life anymore. But heck, just be selfish.
Don't play the odds, gang. If you don't play with fire, you won't get burned!
OK, the modern term is "exceptional", not "retarded". "Retarded", meaning "slowed down" was the term used a while ago. Since it earned negative connotations from misuse by nitwits insulting people, it has fallen from the lexicon or educators and behavioral science.
danoots, if you won't accept evidence from the CDC or the NIH, you won't accept anything that won't say "hey, drink up! the baby is gonna be ok..probably!"
You can't tailor reality to your wishes. Reality is that the experts say to avoid drinking, there is NO safe amount. Reality is that a little could put your developing child at risk. Not, "well, a little won't do any harm."
Sorry. Sometimes, life ain't fair.
You are absolutely ridiculous. You can't possibly explain the report I referenced earlier (French vs. American babies... almost twice the rate of fetal alcohol in Americans vs. French, despite French women drinking nearly twice as much, in moderate amounts). Agencies like the CDC *always* speak in absolutes, because it absolves them of responsibility.
For example, the AAP (American Association of Pediatrics) states that ANY television watching for children under two years inhibits the development of your child's brain. I certainly hope your children under two have NEVER seen the television turned on -- if so, you're doing permanent damage to their brain!
I'm going to do my best to exercise self control, and wash my hands of this nonsense.
Darn, it seems to be "dump on Diana" season. Much as I hate to, I feel the need to add my comments.
"Therefore, women should avoid drinking if they are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or at risk of becoming pregnant (i.e., sexually active but not using an effective form of birth control)."
Birth control isn't 100% effective, so any sexually active woman is at risk of becoming pregnant. Even post-menopausal women have been known to conceive, though it's rare. So obviously all sexually active women shouldn't drink, right? And that "at risk" phrase is sort of scary. Most of humanity considers babies a blessing.
That CDC bulletin was obviously written by a person or persons with an agenda, and I don't mean better health for the nation.
Since we're way off topic anyway:
Diana, you'd be much better at getting your points across if you did it with a bit more tact. It's clear that you know you're right, but with that tone, and snarky sign-off, you're just going to keep turning people off no matter what your message is and how strongly you believe it.
I'm also skeptical of your healthcare experience when you can so casually drop then defend your own use of the "R" word. Working in Special Olympics as a volunteer once a year, even in my limited experience I know that no one, and I mean absolutely no one who works with kids uses that word, and hasn't in over 15 years.
Oh and as for Dad-to-be, (I guess I might as well chime in here too) if Mom has decided to give it up it may be the gentlemanly thing to do to give it up while you're around her. We just gave birth to a beautiful boy and In support of mom while pregnant, I decided not to drink when we were out together. While it took a bit of restraint, it was genuinely appreciated. The gesture was reciprocated with a gift of some of my favorite wine after the birth of our son last month.
When my mother was having children in the late fifties early sixties her Doctor actually told her to have a couple of drinks a day just to take the edge off. Of her three children two are CPA's(One of which started University at sixteen)and I work as a Manager for a Non-Profit that supports local sustainable Farming and proper Animal Husbandry. Now I understand that parents what to guarantee that their Children will not suffer from debilitating genetic disorders. We can create all the boogie people we want to, but you can take a newly impregnated female put them in a glass bubble(since we don't need anymore plastic waste)feed them nothing but soy milk, organic produce and fake meat products and something can still happen. We're Human it's the nature of the animal.
Yeah, sure, I was the only snarky one (eye roll).
I worked with children, and the "r" word, which-honestly, people- started out as a legitimate psychological term and has the connotations changed when negativity was added by idiots who used it as an insult to others- was used by professionals throughout the program and in other agencies we dealt with.
"Mental retardation" is a legitimate, usable term in the field, but has fallen out of favor due to the negative connotations that have evolved. Now, more popular blanket terms such as "exceptional" are used, or specifics, such as "milt to moderate" or "moderate to severe."
It is perfectly pc to say that "Alcohol use during pregnancy leads to mental retardation in the developing child."
To say "hee hee, you're retarded" is NOT OK.
context, people.
Good for you for working with the Special Olympics! It is a fabulous group. What are your professional qualifications? I was a credential special education teacher working on my masters. I quit because in this day and age, the paperwork and bureaucracy were killer, and the all mighty dollar trumps the needs of the child every time every time.
In the masses of paperwork and funding IEPs and arguments, the fetal alcohol children (and others) I worked with were not getting anywhere.
Oh, and my mother DIDN'T use the TV to baby sit me as a tot. In fact, I didn't see TV till way after two, and then she limited our TV to an hour a day, (barring the special TV movie once a month or so until I was about 11 or 12. I learned to read early, we played outside or inside, we learned to use our imaginations and brains. I guess she knew the boob tube would rot our brains. When I was little, it upset me. When I got to be 7 or so, I didn't worry, I had all this other stuff to do.
Again, it's your choice. You want to experiment with it, go ahead, it's your baby, child, teenager, adult child. Throw the dice.
The warnings are there, so don't whine to the government if it doesn't go your way. Best if your child is hurt by it not to request government assistance and special educational programs paid by taxpayers, though. Because they DID tell you, and you tippled away.
Think of it like cigarettes. Even the tobacco companies know and admit now that they are addictive and probably will physically damage or even kill you. But plenty of morons still smoke.
I don't knwo if anyone will see this, but I thought I'd try to resurrect this old discussion after reading this article on BBC News today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/769...
It reports on a study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology that found that light drinking (defined as no more than 2 drinks per week) is not only not harmful, it may actually be beneficial to the child.
"The study...found boys born to light drinkers were 40% less likely to have conduct problems and 30% less likely to be hyperactive than those whose mothers had abstained. They also scored more highly on vocabulary tests and on identifying colours, shapes, letters and numbers. "
To be fair it also noted that "Light drinkers were more likely to be better educated and from higher income households and were less likely to have smoked during pregnancy than abstainers."
Discuss!
No booze at all while pregnant. For both of you. Plenty of other options for fun and relaxation. A sip every now and again won't matter in terms of overall baby health, but not being able to give it up shows you have a problem. Seek help before the pregnancy. Full on AA membership is probably overkill, but talking with someone will help.
If I was the guy who wrote the letter I'd stop drinking with my wife. The smell frequently won't agree with a pregnant woman's nose, and I stopped when the wife threatened to puke on me. :o
I recommend both get on the wagon before pregnancy, during, and little bit afterward if not all together. Young children who see their parents drink occasionally start drinking at a young age. If you drink, think about if you parents drink as well, and at what age you got your first taste. If you want that for your kid or not, the answer is up to you.
I completely understand Diana's concern and since alcohol impairs judgment, it can be hard for the drinker to determine when they've had "enough". Really, its a pointless risk.