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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 191: "B-Sides and Unreleased Tracks". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme (69)
(WFTV) Florida Woman Arrested After Hitting Self With Frying Pan. Wait, what? (w/mugshot) (41)
(Google) Weird Not news: Man arrested. News: for breaking into home. Fark: his own home. "He broke into the garage and house, grabbed the booty, and took off in the car" (13)
(C|Net) Cool A complete brewery inside of a 2-foot by 8-foot kitchen counter? It's more awesome than you think (31)
(Reuters) Sad One fire in Bangkok leaves the nightclub crumbled / It left the New Year's corpses extra crispy / I can hear the devil sliding up to me (47)
(Canada.com) Sappy Mystery visitors leave gifts on disabled vet's doorstep on each of the 12 days leading up to Christmas. Submitter seems to have something in his eye (34)
(The Earth Times) Interesting New Year's resolution to give up alcohol can be bad for your health (63)
(Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop theme: worst movie/TV show remake idea you can imagine. Difficulty - good luck topping some of the stuff already out (105)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Asked why he ran a stop sign, a drunk Charles Barkley told cops that he was in a hurry to pick up a girl who, a week earlier, gave him the greatest blow job of his life (194)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you want to keep your job as NASA adminstrator do you (a) claim that the shuttle will blow up if you lose your job (b) call the people on the transition team "liars" (c) have your wife beg for your job (d) All of the above (35)
(Dallas News) Dumbass Desperate for a job? Do you A) Use a recruiter, B) Brush up the old resume, or C) Put up a $1200, three-day billboard ad advertising yourself as a "savvy chic stylopolitan fashion guru" (w/ pic) (186)
(Financial Times) Scary Car bomb rocks Bilbao in Spain. Gandalf and Gimli reportedly escaped uninjured (60)
(CTV) Amusing Hiro Nakamura and Ando Masahashi wanted in violent home invasion. Police claim suspects seem to have simply disappeared (50)
(Some Guy) Sappy Doctor tells woman her liver looks like a "dried up old meatloaf," gives her about 10 minutes to live until another woman's liver replaces the meatloaf. Man, I'm hungry (38)
(SLTrib) Unlikely Bar owner says state's new smoking ban doesn't apply to cigarettes because they don't meet the state's tax-code definition of "tobacco product." (147)
(TwinCities.com) Strange Charges dropped against a man who poached a deer... with a crossbow... on an urban interstate highway... during morning rush hour (59)
(Dallas News) Interesting "First baby of the year" now overshadowed by "Holy crap induce labor before the new year so we don't have to pay our insurance deductible" babies (81)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Business (details in thread) (81)
(Philly) Interesting Sinkhole swallows Philadelphia Water Department truck (with pic goodness) (78)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Politics (details in thread) (117)
(Telegraph) Cool 202 candles. Dayum (62)
(MSNBC) Obvious Radical new plan in Washington suggests instead of giving incarcerated illegals three square meals a day and two showers a week, they should be deported (238)
(Denver Post) Interesting 7-11 is recalling its burritos out of concerns they may be contaminated with Listeria monocyto genes. Then again, if you eat 7-11 burritos, that's probably the least of your problems (92)
(Newsday) Misc Public health at risk because NY state's environmental dept underpays clam inspectors. Those shellfish bastards (40)
(Nerve) Cool The coolest collection of the year's most ridiculous news photos you'll see, well, all year (73)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Stupid Pop quiz, hotshot: You get hurt playing a sport. Do you: A) play through the pain, B) put some ice on it, C) file a lawsuit. What do you do? What do you do? (101)
(Columbia Tribune) Stupid Missouri lawmakers look to boost economy by increasing the value of novelty lighters (73)
(Washington Post) Misc List of things besides 'the ball' dropped across the country during the countdown to New Year's. 'Pants' surprisingly not on the list (65)
(SF Weekly) Stupid San Francisco Weekly scrapes the absolute bottom of the barrel to pull through 2008 and offers up a LOLcat year in review (113)
(Baltimore Sun) Hero Actual Headline "Oregon woman, 88, fends off naked intruder by grabbing the man's crotch and squeezing" (83)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Showbiz (details in thread) (68)
(JSOnline) Dumbass Milwaukee man who campaigned against dunk driving is arrested for ... ah, go ahead and guess (142)
(AFP) Strange Italian men who set off illegal fireworks may not get to have sex, will have to keep their Roman Candles to themselves (34)
(SFGate) Obvious "News flash: There is no such thing as objectivity in American journalism" (95)
(TC Palm) Florida If your girlfriend suspects you have "trick hoes", better keep the knives away from her (51)
(The Record) Asinine Man arrested for impersonating a police officer because he was wearing a T-shirt that said "Police" on it; charges of being a Sting fan still pending (160)
(Toronto Star) Scary Enjoy the stunning view of Lake Ontario...for the next two-and-a-half hours (73)
(Some Udon Guy) Weird Angered by noodle impurities that sickened his daughter, Korean father ramens his car through factory gate (33)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Not News: Fender bender in small town. News: Former City Comissioner to the rescue. Fark: While he's helping, thieves steal his bike (12)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Geek (details in thread) (57)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest: Sports (details in thread) (91)
(Cracked) Interesting Finally, a Cracked list that could save the life of many a Farker. 10 Drinking Myths That Can Kill You (264)
(Some Guy) Scary Not news: man decides to go outside for a breath of fresh air. Fark: he was 30,000 feet over the Caribbean at the time (42)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Man exposes himself to deputies while explaining he didn't mean to expose himself while complimenting family's dog. During questioning, "he was asked repeatedly to close his legs" (37)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman who couldn't afford Christmas presents for her children wins £1 million on scratch-off lottery ticket. Which explains why she couldn't afford Christmas presents for her children (130)
(Telegraph) Weird British man breaks world record by sitting on his ass for 48 hours (35)
(Some Bored Shopper) Photoshop It's a chair. Photoshop it (79)
(WOAI) Amusing Woman apparently confused as to what state she lives in shoots out tires of repo man taking her car (67)
(My San Antonio) Unlikely 39-year-old musician from Los Angeles goes to court to lay claim to south Texas dry-land shipwreck with $3 billion in treasure and uses Google Earth to make sure that nobody is excavating site. Oh, and don't forget about the cannibal tribe (82)
(Some Maine-iac) Spiffy 103-year-old woman credits her longevity to coffee, doughnuts, peanut butter and cheese. Behold the power of cheese (50)
(Google) Fail New law going into effect Thursday requires Georgia's 16,000 registered sex offenders to give not-so-tech savvy authorities their screen names and email passwords. 16,000 new email accounts expected to be created by Friday morning (99)
(News.com.au) Spiffy It's now fashionable to be like a 1950's housewife as more and more young women master the arts of sewing, cooking, knitting, gardening, and raising chooks (175)
(ABC News) Dumbass Fark's favorite news reporter informs us that gas fireplaces save money and the earth, failing to realize that natural gas does not come from Bartertown, is not controlled by Master Blaster (61)
(My San Antonio) Asinine Hot Catholic Texas high school teacher fired because she... got married? (293)
(Some Maine-iac) Dumbass Working toward a Maine tag: Man does several thousand dollars damage to a civic center and gets a DWI, while on a Zamboni (37)
(AP) Amusing "If I see one more corporation declare itself 'green,' I'm going to start burning tires in my backyard," (211)
(London Times) Stupid Nanny State discontinues making offenders on work furlough wear bright orange jackets because the precious little prisoner snowflakes can't handle the taunting (45)
(AZCentral) Silly News: Man says that after women fought for the right to wear pants, men should be able to wear skirts. Fark: "Dear Abby" agrees. "Who's to say you're not on the leading edge of what's to come?" (141)
(Abc.net.au) Asinine Victoria, Australia bans electric cigarettes. In other news: there are electric cigarettes (135)
(OC Register) Strange If your kid got shot by the cops, you'd want compensation, too. This family wants some money and a memorial statue at Disneyland (53)
(Some Guy) Cool Teen earns all 121 merit badges offered by the Boy Scouts. He's prepared (154)
(Gawker) Obvious Congress: "Obama's inauguration will most likely kill you, stay away." Crush level crowds expected everywhere in city (307)
(Fox News) Asinine Another year, another look at wacky laws still on the books: In West Virginia it is illegal to taunt someone who decides not to participate in a duel or who declines to accept a challenge (146)
(The Sun) Interesting What's black and white and red all over? Hint: The Sun is there (81)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop these old bicycle tools (48)
(WWSB ABC 7) Florida Guy being chased by cops calls 911 to distract them. Pro Tip: probably should head opposite direction than the one you send the cops (28)
(New York Daily News) Sad Woody Allen's ex-wife's daughter, who is the sister of his daughter/wife and aunt to his grandchildren nieces-in-law passes away (187)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008
(Rochester D&C) Hero A 72-year old man jumped from the second floor of his townhouse, broke through a first floor window and put out a fire. Where's the "badass" tag? (90)
(CBS Sacramento) Obvious Appeals court rules that sending someone to jail for 28 years for forgetting to tell authorities where you moved to is a bit much (189)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Asshat arrested for calling 911 over 100 times for such complaints as a rock in his yard being moved 4 inches, pool water ruining his grass and children making noise (112)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Man dies after a six-hour wait in a hospital because the staff was too busy posing for a calendar to help him (153)
(Some Giant) Photoshop Photoshop this gigantic operatic abduction (51)
(Spiegel) Caption Give a voice to this face in a crowd (198)
(Abc.net.au) Cool Germany's newest tourist attraction: Beer Lake (54)
(Oregon Live) Amusing Car wash worker drives away would-be robber with high-pressure wash hose. Police seeking shiny, pina colada scented man (38)
(Livenews) Strange In a bid to make Egypt's streets less crappy, citizens urged to put diapers on their asses (36)
(AHN) Dumbass Iranian students storm embassy. This is not a repeat from 1979 (429)
(9 News) Dumbass Breaking: Shanahan fired in Denver. Headline from 2009: Shanahan hired in Detroit (377)
(Some Chick) Obvious Smokers are urged to use the "Stay Quit Monday" concept and continuing with the "Eat Everything Tuesday" and finishing the week with "I Hate Everyone Because I Need A Cigarette Sunday" (127)
(WTOP) Obvious NASA releases 400-page report on Columbia crash detailing possible causes of astronaut fatalities, including falling 100,000 feet, sucking on vacuum, being exploded (177)
(Examiner) Followup Bristol Palin could receive $300,000 for baby pictures. IT'S A TRIPP (188)
(Reuters) Silly Survey reveals that the most desirable celebrity neighbor is Sarah Palin, presumably because people wouldn't have to worry about magazines being stolen from their mailboxes (92)
(City Pages) Asinine Top 10 Douchebags of 2008. It's a slideshow, which means subby should be on the list (227)
(Deseret News) Silly What is it about Utah and questionable taste in gang tattoos? (137)
(MSNBC) Scary Q: What's the difference between Pakistan and a pancake? A: I don't know any pankaces that are going to go to war with India (344)
(Tacoma News Tribune) Asinine Megachurch Pastor Casey Treat is granted a permit to build a helipad at his church, so that he can be whisked in and out on the wings of angels just like Jesus would have wanted (235)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup Ten-year-old Internet sensation reporter denied credentials for inauguration (64)
(BBC) Amusing "Thank you for accessing your account through Barclays internet banking service. Your current balance is £99,999,998,517.57 overdrawn." (65)
(Fox News) Dumbass To prove their days of wild, unnecessary spending are over, Chrysler takes out full-page ads to thank tax-payers for "investing" in them with bailout money (127)
(Some Guys) Photoshop Photoshop this exercise in futility (43)
(Swissinfo) Cool Punk rock-ish chick takes the world of Alpine Hornblowing by storm, with obligatory does she give you the horn picture goodness (200)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Time again for news agencies dust off their yearly stories about not celebrating New Year's with dangerous fireworks, firing guns into neighbors (29)
(Daily Camera) Obvious Pets drink more during the holidays, too. No word on whether they try to sleep with their high school classmates (28)
(Greenwood Index-Journal) Dumbass Step 1: woman comes home to find man breaking into her house. Step 2: woman stabs attacker. Step 3: attacker calls 911 to report he's been stabbed (41)
(Denver Post) Interesting Drunk man bangs on the door of the wrong house and is fatally shot. DA to decide if the homeowner is protected by the "Make my day" law, enacted shortly after the "Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" shooting (419)
(News.com.au) Amusing Nipples and genitals out in new piercing rules. But you clicked as soon as you read "Nipples and genitals out", right? (74)
(The Sun) Stupid Ferret thinks it's a dog. The Sun is there (88)
(WFTV) Hero 78-year-old Doctor honored as "Country Doctor of the year" for 50-years of house calls. Only charged $3 when he started, has been paid in apple pie, ad still sees up to 30 patients a day (67)
(Honolulu Star-Bulletin) Sick Man goes to put flowers on the graves of his family and finds the graves empty and the coffins sitting out in the sun (167)
(LA Times) Obvious Breaking News: People who live in proximity to a liquor store tend to drink more (124)
(AP) Fail County worker tries to clean off boat ramp with snowplow, ends up sinking $200,000 loader (60)
(Some Guy) Asinine Cop won't let neighbor onto his yard to rescue his cat stuck in a tree. "It seems like I just have to sit here and watch my cat starve to death or freeze to death." (328)
(BBC) Interesting Kashmiri parties agree to coalition, soft comfortable fabric (22)
(NYPost) Dumbass If you're stealing a car, make sure your cell phone doesn't accidentally dial 911 while it's in your pocket. "I got some guys on the phone . . . It's a cellphone but it sounds like they are ripping off a car." (16)
(MSNBC) Followup Police: 'Jena Six' teen shoots self, Jena Six Dumbass Trifecta now in play (216)
(Some guy who doesn't know art) Ironic Sculpture of a huge sail billowing in the wind gets destroyed by billowing wind (37)
(FARK) Survey Fark's 2008 HEADLINE OF THE YEAR contest (details in thread) (169)
(Don't Taze Me Bro) Dumbass Sliding across a police officers hood Dukes of Hazzard style; That's a Tazin (23)
(Daily Mail) Cool Aside from that guy who gets paid to drink beer, this chap might have the best job in the world (61)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Followup Remember all those smokers claiming that the indoor smoking ban would cripple bar business? Well, no pun intended, but suck it (311)
(WTOP) Asinine The guy who wants "under God" removed from the pledge of allegiance has now set his sights on Obama's inauguration (246)
(WFTV) Florida While running away from police during a traffic stop is generally not a smart thing to do, leaving the car in gear so it rolls into a tree with a 2-year-old inside will certainly make matters worse (21)
(11 Alive) Cool Israeli navy rams Cynthia McKinney's boat. US support for Israel increases ten-fold (370)
(CNN) Followup Despite 375+ dead, Hamas defiant. They say they intend on fighting till the death, which is scheduled around 2 pm local time Saturday (299)
(WBBM) Weird I told you that you can't trust a bald man who paints himself blue....and it was already weird (78)

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