Guild Wars: the quiet obsession. Slowly but surely whole families are being sucked into "the Guild" to enjoy this sordid exercise in mangling strangers over the Internet.

A couple of weeks ago my column looked at how to choose the proper Guild in this game, the better to ensure that you don't get your collective asses kicked by the Koreans. But this week I turn my attention to the players themselves, and how to tell them apart. Without further ado I present: